Relationship guru and matrimonial consultant Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart is on a mission to promote successful relationships and prevent marriage breakdowns in society.
From Love Island, to Celebs go Dating, to First Dates, the quest for love is unavoidable and ever-present in our modern-day society. Whilst these programs make it seem as though navigating the dating world is the simplest and most entertaining of tasks, this is not the case for everyone. Sometimes the dating world can be daunting and frightening, but finding and choosing the right person for you, and knowing how to build and maintain a healthy and lasting relationship is probably the most important life decision you will make.
Here are my top tips to maximize your chances of choosing the right one in this complex world of love-matching:
- Know what you both want at the start. It is important that both parties want to be in it for the long haul
Before embarking on your relationship journey, you must both establish what you want to get out of it. Be sure to discover and ascertain if you are mutually on the same page in terms of commitment and long-term engagement, which is vital to building a good foundation for your relationship. Strong, honest and open communications is absolutely crucial to ascertain this.
- Be aware of what you want and need from each other
Choosing right involves you being true and honest with yourself about you want and need from a partner. Many clients struggle to find their right match, because, in reality, they have not asked themselves what they are searching for in the first place. So, before you embark on this journey, take a step back to assess what it is that you truly want. It will make the process easier. Start by evaluating what your personal morals, values and ‘red lines’ are, and make them your core indicators to measure and decipher whether you are truly compatible with someone, and whether you can give each other what you both want and need. Learning from past relationship failures is an excellent way to know what you don’t want from a partner.
- Shared Respect, acceptance, trust and forgiveness are key ingredients.
It is hard to live with someone who doesn’t mutually respect, trust or accept you for who you are, warts and all. You must feel secure and safe with your partner and vice versa, where you can both be your true selves. So never ever compromise on these important values.
- Be the person who you would like to date
Once you decide who you want to date, then make sure you become that dream date, so that you become someone else’s dream date too. If you want to date someone who is in fun, in good physical health and is successful then channel your energies on becoming just that sort of person. Why would anyone accept anything less? By channelling characteristics that you also look for in a partner, you will inevitably attract a similar person. If you are charismatic and confident, you will attract a similar person. If you want to be with someone who will bring out the best side of you, you need to display that side of you first. Do bear in mind that you should not set out to try and change someone, so find someone who you are happy with just as they are.
- Attraction and chemistry must extend beyond the physical
Do they stimulate you intellectually? Are they emotionally available to you at all times? Are they a source of support and comfort? Are you relaxed in each other’s company? Looks do eventually fade, but a good kind personality and character won’t. You must always think with your head as well as your heart, when it comes to love. Do not rush your search; the right person will be out there, so don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.
With over 30 years’ experience as a Family Lawyer and Relationship Coach, and having witnessed the devastating impact of divorce first-hand, Sheela specialises in giving expert and bespoke relationship advice to singletons looking for love and couples facing the possibility of separation through her counselling and advice service.