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#EdBallsDay & The Best of Political Tweets

#EdBallsDay & The Best of Political Tweets

 

Personal reputation masterstroke or fortunate blunder? That could be the tagline of Ed Balls’ entire life to date. Unfathomably worse at Twitter than he is at dancing, he has become a figure of public adoration over his good-natured bumbling. How very British.

So to celebrate Ed’s digital illiteracy, here is our list of the great and (mostly) awful of when Twitter meets Politics.

Balls or bust – the Political Tweet to end all Political Tweets. Never change, Mr Balls.

Every #EdBallsDay, children will leave a glass of milk and a pair of spandex leggings at the bottom of their bed. Then they will close their eyes and whisper ‘Ed Balls’ three times. If they’ve been good, Ed Balls will appear before them to perform a dance, before dashing off into the night to fight crime.

Optimistic to presume that Dirty Dave can summon the spirit of Thatcher considering that he can’t even remember which football team he is supposed to support.

The historic moment that the Republican Party began its love affair with Donald J. Trump.

Hot tip for 2017: Donald to launch his own dating app: Ivanka

I sincerely doubt that we will be offering our PR services to Ivanka. But believe us, nobody does PR/builds walls/runs integrated campaigns better than we do.

Okay?

Checkmate, Donald.

Soames: the inverse Batman of Twitter. Not the hero we need, but definitely the hero we deserve. Would highly recommend monitoring his feed for the ultimate Public School put-downs and the latest assault on ‘Leave’ voters – if he could aggressively ingest the whole lot of them, I’ll bet you he would.

Beautiful in its simplicity. This is the one time in her life that Hillary managed to connect with the electorate, which is deliciously ironic as it was blatantly one of her staffers who tweeted it. But I’m nitpicking, this is one of the all-time greats (570k retweets?!)

A tweet that spawned one of the greatest memes of our time: Ted Cruz is the Zodiac killer. We’ve lamented Ted and his aggressively untrustworthy eyebrows in the past. Could he yet hunt us down and exact vengeance? Yes he could. Do we regret everything? Yes we do.

A cursory glance at Twitter will show you that too many political insults lack creativity. ‘Trump/May are fascists!’ – dull. ‘Corbyn is a communist!’ Again, dull. Revealing Steve Bannon’s true identity as an ancient reptilian evil who stalks the under-realms? So. Much. Better. 

Ironically tweeted by the biggest donut on the planet.

‘Vote for me and I’ll hide in the bin outside of Margaret’s house and then scare the life out of her when she comes back from Sunday mass.’ Cleverly executed James, and you would have our vote, but marked down for not proof-reading.

No words.

https://twitter.com/jamesinlimbo/status/857340018716758017

Included solely on the premise that the return of Zac Goldsmith is the best comeback story since Lazarus.

Political Campaign Ads – Bizarre, Boastful & Bewildering

By Peter Jackson Eastwood and Emily Burditt

Here at The PHA Group, there’s nothing we love more than an integrated campaign. So it’s only right that we pay tribute to the weird and the wonderful of the political media world with our Top 10 Political Campaign Ads:

10 – Votin’

Brexit has dragged up all manner of anger, frustrations, fears and insecurities. But nothing – and I mean absolutely nothing – comes close to this atrocity. Where to begin? The irony of spelling learnin’ wrong? The fact that as a 21-year-old who is presumably the prime demographic for this steaming pile of cringe I (Peter) know that the letter ‘g’ exists and even indulge in usin’ it when I write? I don’t know but please don’t make me talk about it anymore.

Typin’, Watchin’, Groanin’, Hatin’, Ratin’ (-1000/10), Turnin’, off.

9 – Ivan Massow – Invite Ivan

You know what Ivan? I get this. I totally get it. You want to know what makes Londoners tick and you want to engage with a whole range of communities. What better way than going to meet them and going to talk to them? But here’s the thing, maybe that’s where this should have stopped. Meeting with the public? Great. Engaging with them? Fantastic. Listening to them? Sensational! Living with them? Abandon ship/Lock the door/Run for the hills.

1/10 – A nice idea executed with all the finesse of a pig using chopsticks.

8 – Joni Ernst – Castrating Hogs

A scene from Simon Danczuk’s most intimate, sobering nightmares. A monstrosity that is enough to make anyone shiver, but it holds particular horror for any men watching – so don’t feel guilty if you emitted an involuntary high-pitched squeal, even if that is exactly what Joni wants. You can clearly see Beelzebub dancing in Joni’s pale, merciless eyes as she utilises telepathy in a vicious attempt to castrate anyone watching. If Joni comes up on your tinder, swipe left before she devours your soul.

666/10 – We at The PHA Group do not endorse satanic ritual, under any circumstance.

7 – Lyndon B Johnson – ‘Daisy’

A haunting ad from the Cold War. The camera zooms in on the eyes of an innocent child before cutting to a nuclear explosion. Brexiteers might moan about Project Fear but as far as scaremongering goes this takes the biscuit. The only problem with this ad is that it’s about President Johnson – a man famed for allegedly exposing his manhood to white house staff, foreign dignitaries and just about anyone who was within watching distance.  Also worth noting that his military decisions spawned the famous song – ‘Hey, hey LBJ, how many kids have you killed today?’

4/10 – Controversial but powerful. It’s just a shame that it’s attributed to a maniac who delighted in flashing everyone – thank goodness American Politics is so mundane these days in comparison…

6 – Ted Cruz – The Senator who saved Christmas

There are a multitude of things to distrust Ted Cruz for. If he had his way the Middle East would probably be getting carpet bombed out of existence with exploding bible extracts right now. But as distasteful and divisive as his foreign and domestic policy ideas might be, it is those horrible, shifty eyebrows that make Cruz truly unsettling. Disturbing facial features aside, this is an excellent ad. Bonus points for ‘The Grinch who lost her emails’ and ‘Rudolph the underemployed Reindeer’.

5/10 – Should it be higher? I know we shouldn’t discriminate just because it’s Ted Cruz, but we are doing anyway (If anyone should be understanding of discrimination after all, it is Ted). I’d sooner spend my Christmas in Dante’s inferno than with the slimy senator.

5 – Hillary Clinton – Attack ad on Donald Trump

Trump may think he can walk all over Hillary, but he could be in for a nasty shock. This inventive clip shows other prominent Republicans including: Ted Cruz, Mitt Romney and Jeb Bush laying into Trump. The only problem is that, if anything, it’s rather too kind to him. ‘A race-baiting, xenophobic religious bigot’? I have a feeling Donald will take that as flattery rather than an insult.

6/10 – Cunning to use Trump’s own party against him – things look like they are about to get seriously tasty in the presidential race. Not quite as cutting as we would like though – up the savagery Hillary!

4 – Donald Trump – attack ad on Hillary Clinton

Spare a thought for Hillary Clinton. As if being savaged by Ted Cruz at Christmas wasn’t enough, global barometer of morality Donald Trump is now sticking the boot in as well. Not content with labelling her ‘Crooked Hilary’, he has launched a series of withering attacks on the Democrat frontrunner (the barking clip just won’t go away). Inappropriate and childish, but come on, what else did you expect?

6.1/10 – Trump might be one of the worst people to walk the earth, but he knows how to put simple, memorable content out there. After winning the Democrat nomination, Hillary has plenty more of this to look forward to.

3 – Mike Gravel and his Rock

Stone-faced Mike Gravel, delivering a gritty message as he drops a rock into some water. We certainly think he made a splash.

7/10 – Is Mike’s message sinking in yet?

2 – Dwight Eisenhower – ‘I Like Ike’ 

Cruelly, foolishly, despicably overlooked by your favourite PHA bloggers for the Public Affairs top 10 political campaign songs. Well unlike most politicians, we don’t mind saying sorry when we get something wrong (Pub legend/nutty geezer/West Ham fanatic/perennial non-apologiser Davey C – I’m looking at you). So, we’re sorry. But really we did you a favour – once you’ve heard this delightful little number you’ll be bopping along to it for the rest of the week.

9.9/10 – ‘Ike for president, Ike for president, Ike for president…’

1 – The Green Party – #GrownUpPolitics

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again. The Green Party really are a cut above when it comes to political comedy and the quality of their content is getting better and better. It’s impossible to pick a favourite moment but our highlights are: Boris on his tricycle (I’m Prime Minister!), Jeremy’s nasty shadow cabinet (Put the rockets away) and, of course, lonely Tim Farron.

10/10 –Sensational. If the Green Party maintain their current trajectory they will win the 2020 general election off the back of the first ever political musical released in major cinemas.

 

https://youtube.com/watch?v=8oC3UokugtA