Written by Peter Jackson Eastwood • Published 7th September 2018 • 3 minute read

Ah, cricket. Is there a greater pleasure in those searing July and August months than settling down with five or six bottles of bubbly to not really pay attention to the sporting action before you?

Those long summer days might now be drawing to a close, but the sun never sets on the sumptuous scene that is the media landscape. Cricket is an answer to so many questions: What should I play this weekend? What should I watch this weekend? What did Jesus die for on the cross?

And now, it’s the answer to one further question. How exactly does PR work?

Read on, delicious investigator.

Gritty opening batsman – Corporate PR Team: Alastair Cook without the jawline. It’s not always glamorous, it often makes for attritional viewing, but sometimes you need somebody who will dig in, see off the new ball and deliver results. Always means a bit more when they make a big score because they’re generally doing it in the toughest conditions against the scariest new ball journalists.

Fluent Number Three – Journalist: The best journalists are like James Vince. Width and terrible story ideas are punished to the boundary with disdain. But keep pitching it just right (normally down the phone and in that fourth stump channel), and they will always have a nibble.

Middle order biffer – Marketing Executive: Look, we can pontificate all we want, but our middle order and balance sheet both need a bit of tap. Not much subtlety to this employee’s game, it’s stand and deliver cricket. Clear that front leg and demolish another monthly income target over cow corner please.

Bowling all-rounder – Creative Team: They give us that crucial balance in the middle order, and a bowling option too. We live in the age of social media supremacy, and while our creatives can be mercurial, when they do fire and go viral it’s spectacular. Must be managed carefully so they’re winning matches rather than taking pedalo rides.

Chirpy Wicket Keeper – Consumer & Tech departments: Always on the phones and chattering away, they’re good at reading the situation, knowing when to pitch and nattering down the phone until the journalist caves. Gift of the gab and quick hands on the keyboard. Tend to grab any opportunity that comes their way. Don’t knick it, journos.

Mystery spinner – Graduate Trainee: What to make of them? Are they the real deal with those mystery variations? Or are they just sending down pies with a funny action? We know that journalists are going to try and launch them into the stands. Will they keep pitching (it up)? Can they hold their own and demand the batsman’s respect? They’re on the PHA Graduate Scheme so I suspect they will.

Opening bowler – Sport Team: Metronomic, consistent delivery. We know what we’re going to get from them, and that’s why they take the new cherry. Captain has no problem throwing them the new clients as they know full well that coverage and wickets surely follow. Not to be messed with though and tend to have a vicious short ball which they aren’t afraid to use when things don’t go their way.

Scorer – CEO: Their playing days are over. Now our CEO is content to sit there, totting up the scores, feeling increasingly smug as the numbers get larger and larger.

Umpires – HR: Obviously. Get plenty of grief from the players, but important presence to ensure that the office isn’t brought into disrepute.

 

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